I have been working under cover for many years. I feel such a weight off my shoulders, especially on those days that I have to talk to other people about my work and can’t tell the real nature of it.
The emotional pain gets even stronger when I have to do something behind a colleague’s back. I want to quit because I can’t tell the truth and even worse, when someone gets suspicious I have to divert it. Despite feeling insane, I managed to keep the nature of my work secret until today, when Jane came to me.
She guessed everything and confessed to me, but some other people may have realised that she discovered something unusual. She explained to me that another ex-colleague knows about it. I have no idea of the limit of my bosses. Jane also announced that she was pregnant. I was so happy for her and extremely worried for her at the same time because she could end up in a very bad situation and she would be a target if I quit. Since I admire her, I can’t quit, so I have to continue doing my wicked job, lying to myself and pretending that she did not say anything.
So I had anonymise my Internet connection a bit more and be a better lier. That wasn’t enough… the enemies of my employer did find me and were waiting for me outside my house. I thought my time was over as there were dozen of agents waiting for me out there.
Unexpectedly, some officers wearing green uniforms arrived (were they sent by my employer?) while I was in the bathroom and cleared the area. I wasn’t feeling safe and extremely worried about Jane. At some point, I had to leave my house to get groceries. Those officers were still there and explained to me that I can’t quit and that I have to continue to do those secret missions.